Yes, I meant the signature gif!
He was so joyful and proud in that gif - but the reason I loved that gif for you the most of all, is because of how
ebullient he was! Were you bored of him? Whenever you would occasionally be back in here for a visit with Mister Mistoffelees’
ta-das and with his
high-kicks and his
hi-jinks - well they were the
only ebullient moments of
anything I’ve ever been exposed to in here at all! Did you get sick of him? I don’t know… how could you get sick of him, if you thought my idea to go see Cats stoned was such a GREAT idea!
I can’t remember exactly when it started, maybe the end of last year? Or maybe the beginning of this year? I can’t remember, but anyway, at first i just wasn’t myself at all for a little while and I was feeling very sad, and so I was having a real
I wear black on the outside because black is how I feel on the inside moment. That was what started it all initially, lol. And then I can’t remember, but after a few days or after a week or two, I changed back to how it was originally.
And then I still felt so unspeakably,
totally dis-aligned and
misaligned with that image. and with
any image of
anything that I would normally like or relate to - that I felt like a pitch black square was the only thing I could possibly even conceive of, to choose to visually represent me, because it’s the only pictorial representation that communicates that it
offers absolutely nothing, and
takes absolutely nothing.
It’s the only avatar with no artifice. There is no artifice, because I am the precipice. It’s an avatar that offers no explanation for who or what I am, because ultimately, I will never offer any artifice, or any explanation. There is no prequel to me. There is no sequel to me.
I can be anything anyone wants me to me be. I learned how to play that game a very long time ago. But I will still only ever be
me. In all my incarnations. The blackness can be an abyss. It can be my depths. I
am the abyss. Or it could just be the walls all around me, through which no one can see in.
A black hole is everything, and it is nothing. I am also everything and nothing. It’s the future, and it’s the past, all rolled into one, where time loses all meaning, and all that exists is the self. A black square is also isolating, and isolative. It is dependent on nothing. It calls for no one. It may be a thing, it may be real, or it may be nothing at all. It may be nothing more than a close up of a small piece of silk from the hem of my dress.
So, NO! I was not
quite going for Black Lives Matter!
Silly little goose!
In art, there is a movement called Suprematism, founded in Russia by Kazemir Malevich around 1915. It focuses on basic geometric forms (circles, squares, lines, rectangles) and it emphasizes the
supremacy of pure artistic feeling over the depiction of objects.
Suprematism is considered one of the key movements of abstract art, influencing later developments in modern and contemporary art. I am interested in this less as an art movement, and more as a concept as it specifically applies to my own life. The supremacy of pure artistic feeling not over the depiction of objects for me - but
above and over all.
I was thinking of all of this when I chose to remain as a perfect black square for the moment.
In Suprematism, Art shouldn’t represent reality. I also don’t represent reality. Not here, and not anywhere else, either. Malevich sought to free art from the burden of reality, allowing it to exist so that it could
live independently as a creation of the artist’s mind. I also only exist as a creation of my own mind. Because in fact, anything outside of that - couldn’t matter any less to me.
And so I had this black square, which felt vital and critically necessary, because i
couldn’t represent anything else, and also I didn’t want to.
But then a month or two or whenever later, I remembered Malevich’s most famous painting, which is also the most famous and iconic painting of Suprematism, called “Black Square”. I hadn’t thought of it immediately because his black square looks very different to my black square - his black square is on a white background that looks cream to me, and the black also not completely solid. It’s not even a very deep-hued black. It doesn’t immediately convey opacity, as the first thought you might have about it when looking at it. It’s very different.
It has white cracks surfacing all across it, as though all the white lines are tracing routes across a globe. Or maybe, they’re what cracks on a heart would look like - if everything that leaves a mark on us rose to the surface so that we could see all the demarcations left behind.
In any case, when I finally remembered it, I immediately recognized with such obvious familiarity, the intriguingly similar parallels underlying the use, and also
the intended underlying representation, of each of our respective black squares. Lol!
Suprematism had a profound impact on the development of modern art, influencing movements such as Constructivism and Abstract Impressionism - which is neither here nor there for me. But it did also play a crucial role in the development of 20th century avant-garde art - which is where my deeper loyalty lies, and what I’m more moved by.
Although completely foundational to it; the movement’s emphasis on geometrical abstraction is incidental to me. It’s a tool, used to make a point. And it drives the point home very well. What I care about the most in all of this, is
the exploration of pure artistic feeling. And the emphasis on the geometric abstraction and on the exploration of pure artistic feeling from this movement are what subsequently paved the way for future artists to experiment with non-representational forms and very conceptual approaches to art.
Moving away for a moment from visual arts to writers, you’re probably somewhat familiar with Jorge Luis Borges, yes? I imagine at least in name. He’s an Argentinian writer who became one of the most significant literary figures of the 20th century, famous for his works that delve into abstract and philosophical themes. His works often explore complex themes such as infinity, labyrinths, and the nature of reality. His short stories are known for their abstract and philosophical nature, delving into concepts such as infinite structures and abstract worlds.
I’m just using him as an example, I’m not in any way exclusively impassioned or devoted to his work, but conceptually, certainly these are the types of abstractions and symbolic themes in modern art and literature that draw me in, and which pull me close and hold me in place.
But nothing is static, not even for a moment. Not ever. And certainly neither am I.
Individuality, rebellion, and creativity - in me, and around me - are my oxygen. But these things
have to have a foundation of
substance underneath, in order to have any value.
So, ummmm, YES. We could definitely say that I was NOT exactly going for Black Lives Matter.
NOW what the heck am I going do about my beautiful black abyss, bunbun!!
“Reality is not always probable, or likely“
I don't know how they all remember what i get, I don't even go in there that much! Maybe because all I get is a black coffee and its the easiest order of their day. (also i hate that starbucks STILL doesnt allow us to add our own milk and sugar! because i only like a TINY bit of milk and dont trust them not to pour in too much!)
