D
Delirious
Guest
OK. So here’s all the important rundown of how my day went. Two of my ten bazillion meetings got cancelled and in keeping with my very pro and very adult behavior, i thought i’d put that time to PRO USE. I was going to write this in the birthday thread, but if this was a blog post it would be entitled “all the things Morrissey didn’t get for his birthday today!”. Which is actually not appropriate for a birthday thread. So here i am instead cuz…. details!
So i had the super idea that it would be realllllllllly funny if i found someone weird and slightly inappropriate and if I paid them to then make them also wish/sing a big Happy Birthday to Mozzy. Sooo it was like, cameo website, heeeeere i come! Lol!! OH. BOY. I had never been there before. And that was definitely the right path in the first place, lol! Shitty, shitty site that works worse than sites did in the 90s, and a bunch of time i will NEVER get back, LOL
The worst part of all was that even after copious selections for category filters, it gives you easily still >9,000+ results. So then pretend you’re on page 17, and you just had to look through all of these ugly people, but no matter which one you click on, it then sends you back to page 1!!!!
Anyway, so not only is that completely impossible to work with or to get ANYWHERE with, but on top of that, also their algorithm is very weird, because for example before i did a search for anything or put any category filters in at all, the very first choices it initially gave me on the home page were Nigel Farage and a bunch of wrestlers. Lol! i mean ANY of those guys could have worked! I basically should have paid Nigel Farage AND a bunch of wrestlers to each record special birthday wishes and SING for Morrisseybut the only thing that happened is that i got sucked into the rabbit hole and it was alllllllllllllllllllllllll downhill from there, lol. TRULY.
So, ummmm, some time later, i had a mental shortlist that was like
Nigel Farage
A bunch of wrestlers, but i don’t know the difference between any of them because i don’t follow those things
The guys from Cheap Trick
That insipid looking guy who’s the singer from Blue, even though i don’t know a single song by them
Some other person who says he was in Blue
Shane with the shaved eyebrow out of Boyzone
Malcolm McDowell
Jim Royle (in character | or not)
Some rapper named Lardi B - totally UNCLEAR to me if she’s a Cardi B impersonator, or just really, REALLY FAT. Couldn’t click on her to find out, because if I had done that they would have sent me right back to the beginning of page 1 again!
Tiffany?? Lol
Then my train of thought was like
PRINCE! Oh wait no, he ded!
WHIT! Oh wait no, Whit ded too!!
I was UNEQUIVOCALLY CERTAIN that William Shatner would be on there but he isn’t, and then I tried to find a Marc Bolan tribute, and was SO SO SO SO SO RELIEVED that there wasn’t one, because frankly that’s GOT to be one for the hologram, and not for impersonators!
But I mean honestly, they were really hard to look through, and plus I already said everyone on there is really ugly. (Not sorry!) So now i mostly have forgotten any other ones, - because i work very HARD to only have a very selective memory in life
Anyway but this me we’re talking about, so then i had the BEST idea of all! If none of these people are good enuff for me, they’re also not good enough for Morrissey!
And then!! Like a vision from the heavens, or even better, like a direct message from the Gods that just went straight into my bloodstream like DYNAMITE meets ADRENALINE… lounging with knees up and apart, my heart and I, we just knew…..
THAT I HAD TO BUY MR. T FOR MORRISSEY, TODAAAAAAY!!!!!
Ugh, DO NOT get excited, any of you Morrissey-Solo fools (<geddit??!) reading this! It unfortunately did not happen, because if it had, you would all be watching Mr. T sending Morrissey shit-hot b-day wishes in the bday thread right now, instead of reading a whole list list of everyone i didn’t buy instead.
But anyway! The way it shook out in the end was that I googled him, and Mr. T is on the site! I was excited. But only in a very pro way. Then i started reading down, and i guess he’s maybe on a yacht somewhere or doing who knows what, actually, come to think of it, definitely not a yacht somewhere, lol. I don’t know but he is active but “temporarily not available” for bookings!
Talk about taking the wind right out of my sails, Mr. T!!!
On the bright side, I’m sure i can find out if he’ll be available for next year!
Annnnnnd if i have allllll the way until next year to negotiate with Mr. T, maybe he’ll even sing while he jumps out of a cake!
I’m just thinking now, I should have looked for MC Hammer.
MILLI VANILLI would UNDOUBTEDLY have been the ULTIMATE DREAM birthday lip syncing lineup for a MESSAGE with MOVES! But! I tink dey mostly ded too!
K, I just need to retitle this really fast to “I was going to buy Mr. T for Morrissey today but i tried and i failed and I tried and I failed, but… I tried! lol!!!
