This is going to sound ridiculous, but since I've gotten back into his music in the last few months, I've felt a lot of guilt for not having gone to see him when he was in my town back in 2017. I had the opportunity to go, but for whatever reason, I didn't. It makes me feel like I'm somehow "less of a fan" than others, and I sometimes find myself feeling envious of those who have seen him. I keep beating myself up about this decision, and I worry that I'll never see him live. I'm not really sure why I didn't go; I was still a teenager and probably not thinking clearly. I feel like my anxiety may have gotten in the way. Also, 2017 is when he began praising AMW, and I was an idealistic liberal back then who thought about things in black-and-white terms and felt like I maybe shouldn't be supporting him. Now, I'm still mostly a liberal (though somewhat less than before), but I don't really care about artists' politics anymore.
I would've had to attend the concert with my family since I basically had no friends, and I thought they wouldn't like it. He kept doing "Meat is Murder" during that tour, and I had no idea how I would go about telling my parents that he would inevitably show animal slaughter footage during the concert. The title of his album, "Low in High School," was also kind of a turn-off for me, because I genuinely did feel very "low in high school" and was trying to distance myself from that.
Anyway, I feel that it is entirely my fault that I've never seen him live, and I don't know how I'll cope if he dies or retires before I see him. Even recently, I could have technically traveled to a couple of his US dates, but again, I didn't do it. I'm really not sure where I'm going with this; I realize that I am way too obsessed with this guy. I've been trying to get over this for months, but it keeps popping up. I'm thinking that sometime I might have to risk the cancellation and travel, or I'll have to accept the uncertainty that he may or may not come to my town again. I'm not sure what to do. I'm probably not the average Morrissey fan, but I don't even think there is such a thing as the average fan. I just wish I could casually enjoy the music and not care so much.